The kick off for this round was tonight. It wasn't so bad, really. Zee and I are pro's at this now. Zee mixed everything up like it was no big deal and we did shots just like we've always done them.
The hard part this time was the cost. The cost of this is heart breaking - we’re on our fourth round which just feels crazy. I hate worrying about money like this, but this is the first round where I haven’t been able to wave off the cost like it was no big deal. I’m feeling the pinch and I hate this. I’m weighing up the treatments that might give us a better chance (like IMSI with it’s improved fertilisation options) and the cost of it (an extra £1700 on top of already a £6600 price tag).
I just… feel like it’s unfair to have to choose between whats best and what we can afford. We had to borrow from family to cover this round. I won’t lie - my pride has taken a hit. I’m unbearably grateful that we have such generous people in our lives but as an independent asking for money because my body is broken is hard. I hate being in this position. I hate asking for hand outs, but I also feel like this is our only shot at a family.
I’m between a rock and a hard place. Infertility - it’s hard. So many tears.
I asked friends to pray for us today. If this is our last round (which is likely because we can't afford another round) then I feel like we should do all we can, really.
Oh infertility. You're the worst.